Bad News Royals?

Now that the drama of the K-State men’s basketball team finally seems to be coming to a settle, we can change our discussion to the good sport: baseball. No drama, no crap. Just our favorite boys in blue, doing that thing they do….

Oh....

Well this is rather violent.

Not even Salvador Perez can keep this peace.

Some days you're just the guy getting his face smashed...

"What the hell is Anthropology and why is it a Gen Ed?!"
"I don't know man! I don't make the rules!"

Oh is that not what they're saying? Oh.

That’s right, the Mets have been the surprise of the season. As I am typing this blog, they are getting ready to go head to head against the Yankees in the Subway Series.

The new good guys?

 The Mets are playing like the Royals did last October. Which is great news to me because for the past four years I’ve kept blue and orange on hand just in case the Mets decided to have a breakout season. I picked them to be my National League backup team about four years ago, and they’ve been the biggest disappointment of my life.

But they're making up for it. AND LOOK HOW CUTE THAT
MASCOT IS!!!!

 In fact, a lot of people used to say if you wanted to learn how to play baseball, you just watch the Mets and then do the opposite of that. Not this year though! The Mets currently have the best record in baseball and they lead the NL East. If they keep this up, I might actually have to have an in-depth post about them with real numbers and stats or something.

But for now… back to this.

SPOILER: he missed the punch. This is not as bad as it looks.

So the boys in blue have been getting a bad rep for being a little scrappy this season. A vast majority of the country thinks these guys are looking for a fight. The Royals and their fans are basically screwed now. ESPN labeled us as the most despised team in the MLB, and you’re basically dealing with a marketing disaster that has exploded on social media. You can read the article here. Face the music Royals fans. We’re all in this together.

Once you go viral, there is no turning back.

Dammit Twitter.

There seems to be a consensus that the other teams in the MLB don’t like the Royals because they are enthusiastic, chest bumping, high-fiving, hand shacking, and you know… having fun.

FUN?!?

OH MY NO NOT THE FUN!!!

THEY CANT HAVE FUN! THEY CANT DO THAT!!!

I’m going to take you back to your days playing Little League softball/baseball. This may be scary for some of you, but just hang in there, this is going to be good… probably. Every year, some coach ended up with a stacked team. The most athletic kids all ended up on the same team. They were the stat leaders.

Damn Yankees...

 Then there was the Bad News Bears. This team was made up of a bunch of misfit random kids, some of whom had never thrown a baseball in their lives. And a girl.

"Hey Yankees, you can take your crappy trophies and shove them right up your @$$3$"

 They were scrappy, and that little blond kid started fights all the time. They lost in the championship game, but they had made it to the championship game despite everyone’s expectations.

EVERYONE FREAKIN LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!

I FAIL TO SEE ANY SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW THE ROYALS PLAY AND THE BEARS PLAY!

Except we have no girl pitchers. 

Having fun wins games. Do you honestly expect Florida Gulf Coast would have made it to the Sweet 16 in the 2013 NCAA Tournament if they wouldn’t have been having fun?! Doesn’t every small-ball Cinderella team win by HAVING FUN?! THEY’RE WINNING WHO CARES?!?

They are having fun, and the Royals are also good this year. Really good. They’ve started off the season almost as hot as the Mets are. Here’s some handy charts with some quick stats.

(Stats as of 4/24/15 7:00 PM)

(Source: ESPN Stats)

(Stats listed are chosen based solely off of what I believe to be important)

(The Third Column exists solely to make my team look better.)

Batting: Ranked 4^th in MLB – 3^rd in AL

Batting Average (AVG)	.301	Highest in the MLB
On Base Percentage (OBP)	.364	Highest in the MLB
Hits (H)	169	Most in the MLB

Pitching: Ranked 5^th in MLB – 2^nd in AL

Earned Run Average (ERA)	3.08	2nd Lowest in the AL
Walks (BB)	36	Lowest in the AL
Strikeouts (SO)	110	… we could use some more

Fielding: Ranked 6^th in the MLB – 4^th in AL

            We have Golden Glove winners and Lorenzo Cain. Your point is invalid.

The only thing standing between the Royals and the top spot for batting is that they need to score more runs. Toronto (94), the damn Yankees (85), and San Diego (85) are ahead of the Royals (84) in runs scored.

Listen up America, these kids are just looking for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T and they just want to have fun and play baseball. Even Brett Lawrie said “This is a game.” Games are fun, right?

And he got hit by a pitch and he still believes "This is a game!"

I think everyone just needs to chill out and let the Royals be themselves. Look at how much fun they are having! Just keep doing your thing and winning games, boys.

QUICK POINT TO ANY ROYALS BANDWAGONERS LEFTOVER FROM OCTOBER:

First of all, welcome to our happy fun-loving baseball team and fandom. You’re stuck with us forever now, according to the Geek’s Guide to Bandwagoning, which can be referenced here.

So if you don’t like the way the Royals are playing right now, and if you don’t like the way we start fights almost every game, and if you don’t like the way the rest of America hates us and seems to want to talk crap on us, TOO FLIPPING BAD! You’re stuck with us now, so it’s time to suit up and back our boys in blue, because I feel like another Blue October.

DISCLAIMER: These photos aren't mine, and I've borrowed them. But I'm not getting profit on them. So please just leave me alone and allow me to have fun. Some of you hate that. Too bad.

Live updates on my freaking life: @SaxophoneLizard

Rebuilding the K-State Men's Basketball Team

The Boulevard wheat is flowing, the Moose is loose, and Rex Hudler’s voice is once again filling our living rooms with insightful thinking.  That’s right Royals fans, the wait is over. It is finally baseball season once again. (This post is also a little late, but I freakin love this picture.) 

Despite a few recent blunder with the Twins, the boys in blue have yet to disappoint. It’s always helpful when you’ve got guys like Lorenzo Cain in the outfield, already robbing people of hits.

 Yes, Dick, I’ve seen his freaking highlights. I’ve watched Cain do this all the time last year! The guy is a monster. 

But here are some Lorenzo Cain highlights anyways.

As much as I would love to focus on baseball and tell you more about why I like the looks of the roster for Kansas City this year, that post will unfortunately have to wait for another day at another time. I think we need to just come right out and tackle the big pink elephant in the room.

Wow, I really put a picture of a pink elephant on this blog. What is wrong with me?

A while back Nigel Johnson announced that he would be transferring from K-State. Another one gone? I really liked how Nigel played and I’m actually sad to see him go. I’m sure he will do great wherever he ends up. But now we are faced with a problem… we’ve basically emptied a majority of the roster… and we need players.

Hmmm. I feel like another team did this.

I also feel like that team should have some of their wins vacated.

You know... for paying off refs. 

Then again, there I go... speculating.

So now Bruce Weber finally has the opportunity to prove his recruiting ability, something that has been under constant criticism. If you expect absolute perfection with next year’s team, you have got something wrong with you. Not even Mike Krzyzewski could make a team perfect, and he just won a National Championship for the 5^th time. My congratulations to Coach K.

A massive improvement from last year.

It’s not going to be easy. But all we need is improvement, and a step in the right direction. Right now I feel like we are all just sitting around trying to pretend everything will be fine.

It's just... you know, burning in flames. It's fine.

Who’s to say it won’t be? But just in case, I have taken the liberty of creating the perfect squad based on local talent from K-State’s own campus. Some names and faces you may recognize, others you may not. Either way, my team will be unbeatable.

Dream Team, step aside.

STEP ONE: Find the perfect point guard.

This is a place where I really feel like we lacked in during the season. It is the point guard’s job to set up and run an offense, to make plays happen for not only themselves but everyone on the court. They are the leader, and inevitably will be the key to winning games.

MY PICK: Bill Snyder

No one fits the leadership role better than the MAN himself. Snyder is respected by all, and is the most prominent figure on K-State’s campus. I think he even rivals Anderson Hall. There will be some conflicts early in the season with football still going on, but once the bowl season is over, I think Snyder will be ready to take over the point guard position and lead the team to victory. Plus, I’m sure we can get the NCAA to allow him to use the windbreaker for his uniform.

STEP TWO: Fill out the rest of the roster.

Yes, my plan is a simple two-step process. Get a point guard, build a roster. Easy. So here’s what I’m looking at:

SMALL FORWARD: JUSTIN EDWARDS 

Hey! He’s still around! And as one of our main returning guards, I have him in my starting five.This kid can jump, too. I can see him catching lob passes thrown to the weak-side from point guard Snyder and throwing them down into the bucket. He’s going to step up big next year, and I have him moving from shooting guard, to off-guard, and even playing a little point when Snyder needs a Taco Bell or Chocolate Chip Cookie break.

SHOOTING GUARD: That kid sitting on the globe outside of Bluemont Hall.

We’re going to need someone smart. Someone who can see the weaknesses in the defense and then capitalize on them. There is no better pick then that kid that is sitting on the globe outside of Bluemont Hall. Yes, he’s small, but I believe he can be an essential playmaker. While Justin Edwards and Snyder are in the limelight, the Kid can offer another scoring option defenses will forget about. Based on how scholarly and intelligent he looks, I have complete confidence he will always put himself in the best position to get points on the board.

FORWARD: Brandon Bolden 

He had a broken wrist for a majority of last season, but since I haven’t heard anything about him going anywhere. Did you guys forget about when he absolutely murdered that kid from Southern Utah?

 He will eventually return, and then the block party will reign supreme once again.

CENTER: That awkward sculpture in the Kedzie Courtyard.

Like, what the hell even is this thing? Imagine giving it a pair of Nikes and a uniform, this thing is going to destroy some people. No one even has the slightest idea of where this thing came from or what it is capable of. That is going to be the center of K-State’s offense. This freaking weird sculpture is going lights out.

FROM THE BENCH: Brian Rohleder will be backed by the Ficus plants from Hale Library.

Have you ever seen a bigger group of thugs?

Bruce Weber is going to have his hands full, but after a few wind sprints I’m sure those ficus plants will develop the discipline necessary to represent K-State athletics. When the buzzer sounds for substitution, you know things are about to get physical. Rohleder and the ficus plants play to win.

On that note, I think we can all put our concerns over next year’s men’s basketball season to rest.

Keep Smiling,

Liz Heath

It's baseball season, and sometimes I make sarcastic comments about Madison Bumgarner. You can keep up with them by following me on Twitter! @SaxophoneLizard

DISCLAIMER: These photos and gifs are only used to enhance your blogging experience and in no way, shape, or form are providing me with endless amounts of profit. If that was the case, I would not be living in a dorm room right now. 

Easter Egg Hunting: Family Friendly Activity... or THE HUNGER GAMES?!?

Easter egg hunts are quite possibly the first exposure a child can have to any form of athletic event.

In my opinion, they are the WORST possible exposure a child can have to an athletic and competitive environment.

In case you can’t guess, I do not look fondly upon my Easter egg hunting experiences. In fact, I honestly wouldn’t mind erasing them from my memory all together. I do not plan on having children, but if my life takes a turn down that road, they certainly will not be forcibly exposed to that environment unless they WANT to. And in that case, their father can take them and I will remain at home.

What's the freaking difference?

I was making connections between Easter egg hunts and The Hunger Games book series long before Suzanne Collins ever published the book.

When it came to Easter egg hunting, the odds were NEVER in my favor

Let’s think about it for a minute.

To begin, children are gathered in a public area, sometimes a town square or a city park. They are lined up and told where to stand while a group of adults prevent them from running amuck or going where they please. Some of them look frightened, and many of them act as though they might not really want to be there. Sound familiar?

It's reaping day you guys. Happy freaking Hunger Games.

 Parents begin coaching their children on exactly what they need to do in order to grab the most brightly colored eggs and collect the most bounty. Many parents may treat the situation a little too seriously. It’s as if their child’s performance in the egg hunt will decide if their child will prevail as a successful and respected athlete, or be the kid stuck in the losing-team press conference muttering vulgarity into a hot microphone.

A matter of life and death? Eh... close enough.

 Finally, it reaches the point where the parents can help no more, and the children are left on their own to enter the egg hunting arena.

Okay umm you know what? Maybe not. Nah, I think I'll just
go home now. It's safe there. I'm out. Not feeling it.

The children look out at the field that lay before them. Tons of brightly colored eggs filled with various treasures lay before them. The thought of grabbing as many of these as possible is intriguing, but at the same time, the children look around at each other. Every other child at this event will pose a potential threat at taking more eggs then them. The battle will be a tough one.

Oh.... oh no. Nope this is not what I signed up for.

Okay, hard pass. HARD PASS! I want out! I don't want to do this!

All of a sudden, a piercing and unexpected sound rips through the air. 

The sound is so loud, unpleasant and unexpected, about twenty children instantly drop out of the race and begin crying, unable to continue the dash for the egg-shaped treasures. The children who are able to collect their senses dash blindly into the fray, so shocked and confused that many miss eggs that are directly in front of them, instead dashing towards eggs that are much further away.

AAAAAAAAAH!

GET THE EGGS!! GET ALL THE &%$@ EGGS!

OMFG THERE ARE MORE OVER HERE! RUN! AAAAH!

GET THEM! THEY ARE OVER THIS AAAAH!!!!

Dude what? No! Why do you have that weapon?
This is supposed to be a family friendly community event!
Chill out!

Pure chaos unfolds. Children start running into each other, tripping over their shoelaces, running into trees, and spilling their precious already-collected eggs out of the back of their Easter baskets. The eggs that spill out are gone forever, as greedy and conniving thieving children ruthlessly collect the lost bounty of others.

MWUHAHAHAHA! 

 Finally, the madness comes to an end. In the aftermath, only the strong have a basket worthy of praise. The average and the weak have another year before the misery begins all over again.

This is how I interpret Easter egg hunts. Extreme? Maybe. But the whole egg hunt thing just wasn’t my cup of tea. However, it’s obvious that my poor performance in the annual Easter egg hunt wasn’t a deciding factor in how I turned out as a person. You don’t have to be good at grabbing brightly colored plastic eggs to get ahead in this world. If you did, they would have made Easter egg hunting an Olympic sport before table tennis. And we have table tennis.

Man, this world rocks. 

Keep Smiling,

Liz Heath

I hate Easter egg hunts, and I rant about other things as well. Find out what they are by following me on Twitter: @SaxophoneLizard

DISCLAIMER: The Hunger Games was not my idea, and these pictures are only used to enhance my blog. This blog is still mainly about sports, but I see Easter egg hunts as a fitting relevance to the sports world. It takes physical activity and a competitive spirit for those small children to rush upon an area with colored eggs carelessly thrown about. Therefore, it is a sick, twisted sport. You're welcome.